What’s Up With That? Pato San

It’s time for round 3.

These are a few of my least favorite things!

New Year’s Resolutions – Let’s be real for a second…New Year’s resolutions should be renamed to, “Things I Plan to Fail at in the New Year!” I get it. Trust me, I do. I understand the idea of “New Year, new you.” It’s a great concept! But unfortunately, it fails to mention a couple of hidden dangers.

In order for this “new you” to happen, there has to be a lifestyle change. And when you follow the crowd and try this lifestyle change by hitting the gym more often or eating healthier, along with the millions of other people, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Why do that to yourself? Here’s a suggestion: DON’T make any resolutions for the New Year! If you do, enjoy feeling sorry for yourself with a tub of Chunky Monkey on the sofa every night during the third week in January, when your resolution has failed and you’re self-loathing.

Again, resolutions are a great concept; just don’t make them at New Year’s! The stigma around it is over-hyped and over-played, which is why we feel like we get right back in the rut of our everyday existence as soon as we fail at it.

Just don’t do it. Wait until February or March. Take it one day at a time; one change at a time and you will find much more rewarding results. Trust me; I used to watch Doogie Howser, M.D., so that makes me qualified to make that statement.

Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for “Insert Politician Here” Stickers – Nothing says, “I blame my problems on everyone else” like one of these stickers. It’s basically saying that you don’t accept any responsibility for what’s happening in your life, everyone else is to blame, and when push comes to shove, you’re throwing them under the bus!

This is the same person that will jump back on the bandwagon as soon as things are going great. They’ll complain when they don’t get their way, regardless of who’s at fault, and cheer when they do get their way. They are selfish individuals with no regard to their own stupidity, which is obvious, because they tell the world unknowingly with their bumper sticker.

They’ll be the first to tell you they love this country, usually using this statement as a precursor or some disclaimer to air out a laundry list of all the things they hate.

I have an idea; tell it to someone who actually voted for the same guy you did, so you can get together and bash a country that’s given you so much, and complain when you get so little. But to organize a meeting would mean you would need some logistical sense, which you are probably lacking due to the fact you voted for the person no one else did.

But, hey…It’s not your fault, right?

Transformers Movie Franchise – I know everyone has picked up some chatter through the wire regarding the FBI changing the definition of rape. If you haven’t, let me fill you in. At first, it didn’t include the physical act of rape against males, so they added that action. And after further thought, the FBI decided to spare all of humanity who enjoy bad-ass action flicks and also added ANY viewing of the Transformers movies after the first movie in the franchise.

Many were shocked at the addition to the definition. But after the hoopla settled down, all agreed. We were all hooked on the first Transformers movie. It was big explosions, a pretty lady, transforming robots, and things of that nature. To see a childhood cartoon on the big screen blew our minds!

The first movie was awesome. The second movie pulled down our pants. And the third movie pretty much pulled a Jerry Sandusky on us all. Not cool, Michael Bay…Not cool at all!

90s Music – Seriously? The best thing to come out of the 90s was All-star by Smash Mouth? Seriously? The Macarena?

The list of terrible music from these years goes on and on. But what’s crazy about this list is I know every song from this era of music since I grew up with it. It was the music of my generation; a musical generation that was so undefined it made the 80s music sound like the second coming of The Beatles, only to go through their heightened popularity again and relive the break-up, better known as 90s music.

There was no identity to 90s music. It was just…Blah. It was music that when heard, made men and women across the nation consider suicide as a way out of this place. I’m pretty sure there were several deaths related to the listening of Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It by Will Smith. No need to check sources on this one, just trust me. And if you believe that, you’ll also know that The Sign by Ace of Base was used for interrogation and torture purposes during the Gulf War.

Granted there were some gems that came out of the mid 90s to early Millennium, but most of it in my opinion was Garbage, just like the band. You can’t tell me there was any legitimacy to Aerosmith’s sell-out song for the movie Armageddon, Creed being serious about music, Enya having a top-selling album, that you actually enjoyed Barbie Girl because of its “new sound” (not because of the name), or that “Pissing the night away” was a fun thing to sing?

And please don’t belabor me with the Backstreet Boys, N’SYNC, and other bands about how they paved the way for today’s music, because today’s music (for the most part) sounds like a horde of goats being slaughtered by pack of rabid sheep screaming for their lives after a night of ecstasy and vuvuzela blowing.

Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson – Nothing says you’re proud to live a frowned upon lifestyle (in my opinion), like this song. It’s an anthem for a small, proud group of people to tell the upper low, middle and high-classes; “Damn right, I’m proud to be a redneck!”

Are you really? Do you like being considered a poor and uneducated individual? Does it make you mad that by accepting this stereotype, you’re doing nothing for yourself but having babies with your family, killing deer for fun, driving a gigantic truck because you live on a road that isn’t paved? Cow tipping? Wearing flannel shirts? John Deere tractors? Dipping Copenhagen? Praising Shooter Jennings, Alabama and the horse they all rode in on?

The list of stereotypes goes on and on!

This song by Gretchen Wilson is just terrible. So terrible that I had it banned from the playlist at the Wedding of the Century. It aspires to do nothing for a group of people that aren’t inspired to do anything. It was a quick and cheap way for Gretchen Wilson to tap into a market that’s proud of their selves and have a hit (if you want to call it that). It basically took every single stereotype that exists for rednecks and ran it through the country music wormhole to make a hit; and we all know that if Honkey Tonk Ba-Dunk-a-Dunk (also banned at the wedding) can become a hit song, ANYTHING is possible!

And the rednecks love it!

Regards – RJ