Small Tales of Random Thought, Vol. IV

Ah, yes. The run-down pizza joint that caused each of us to spawn an evil twin after our first bite into the cheesy pie.

I remember it like it was 6 years, 4 months and 3 days ago.

“Welcome to Dante’s Pizzeria!” the host with the lazy eye said.

I could’ve sworn I just saw this same girl outside the pizzeria on her cell phone, swearing like a sailor, right before we came in!

The place seemed alright. It seemed easy on the eye and it made you feel comfortable. There was this glimmer about it that invited you in.

The smell of fresh dough, tomato sauce and garlic filled the air, just like Emeril’s kitchen I imagine. The scent makes you feel hungrier than you are.

Your eyes are as big as a pie when you walk in. 20” pizzas lined up in a row for your choosing. And the pickings aren’t slim.

There’s traditional fare such as pepperoni and cheese, but there’s also out-of-this-world flavors to choose from, flavors I couldn’t even pronounce.

“De Twino…It must be Italian,” I tell Ben.

The De Twino pizza looked like it was full of flavor; with the grease sitting right on top, waiting to ooze of your slice and down the sides of your mouth.

“Let’s get it!” Ben yells with excitement.

“Four slices of the De Twino, please,” we tell the chef.

We’re hungry and at this moment, it seems the only thing that will satiate us is a thick slice of the De Twino.

The chef pulls the slices out of the oven and they look appetizing. The cheese is bubbling up and the crust is a perfect golden-brown.

The host guides us to our seats and we choose a booth. Like all Americans, we prefer a booth. She asks if we need anything in the kindest of voices. We reply no, and she walks away.

As we go to take our first bite of what will probably be the best pizza money can buy, we are interrupted by the host, which seemed like no more than an instant.

“Hey assholes, do you need anything?” she asks.

“Uh, no. You just asked us and we said no,” Kate says with aggravation.

“Whatever! Go f*%# yourselves then!”

The lazy eye host walks away in the opposite direction she initially took.

“Is it just me or was she extremely rude?” Mel asks with skepticism.

There couldn’t have been more than 5 seconds in between this nice host asking us if we needed anything in her soft-spoken voice, to this rude lady cursing at us.

Something wasn’t right. Something felt strange about Dante’s Pizzeria. Nevertheless, we were hungry, and we had to eat to refuel before our backpacking excursion into the Ozark Mountains.

Ben takes the first bite and his reaction is priceless. His face lights up like a kid at Christmas. I follow suit, followed by Kate. The pizza is too good to be true. It’s divine. Heavenly. It’s magnificent.

All three of us devour our slices before Mel even has a chance to begin eating hers. She prefers to cut up her pieces, and stares at us like we’re pigs for doing the opposite.

“That was good, I’m going to have another!” Ben said with enthusiasm.

Ben got up from the table and proceeded to head to the pizza line.

We could see Ben from our booth seat at Dante’s. He was in our sights the entire time.

“I don’t feel so good,” Kate murmured.

“Me either, it feels like something’s growing inside of me, trying to escape!” I confer.

“Well, I’m not eating this pizza if it makes you guys feel this way,” Mel said.

Within an instant, before Kate could open her mouth with a reply, an exact replica…In the flesh, another human being with her exact features appeared out of nowhere next to her.

This twin grabbed the knife on the table and held it up to Kate’s throat, choking her until her face was blue.

A spawn of my own appeared next to me too, bumping Mel out of the booth. He quickly used his ruggedly handsome looks and swift fists and punched me in the face, knocking me out on the table.

“Oh my god, what’s happened?” Mel asks with a hint of fear. “RJ. Wake Up! Let go of Kate!”

The room is spinning for Mel. She’s scared.

RJ lay knocked out on the table; his evil twin wreaking havoc on the pizzeria. Kate has now passed out and her twin is gutting the other guests.

Blood’s now mixing with marinara sauce; no one can tell the difference.

BAM. The sound of gunshots ring through the air.

“Ben. Oh my god, Ben.”

To Be Continued

Regards – R.L. Bean

Small Tales of Random Thought, Vol. III

“We gotta get out of this place,” I yelled. The stench from the blood was too much to take.

We were expecting a state-of-the-art facility where one could access quick and easy transportation to local hotspots, but we were in for a rude awakening that fall evening.

We parked our car and headed to what we thought was the entrance. The outside of this “new” facility didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel new like the brochure suggested.

There was a light flickering by the only door we could see; almost to the effect of a strobe light. It was entrancing, a psychedelic feeling as if we lost all control of our senses.

It seemed like time stood still as we slowly crept toward the door. Were our feet moving at a normal walking pace? One can’t recall.

But it was evident something was happening. It was clear to all of us that, on this day, at this moment, something different was in the cool, autumn air.

Melissa reached for the door. Before she could get it halfway open, a man (or what appeared to be a man) entered the doorway. Something was different about this being. He was rather deathly looking, with his white face and veins that you could see bulging from his neck.

He didn’t seem kind. He didn’t seem like the kind of person you would find at a brand new Park N’ Ride facility. But despite his not-so-easy-on-the-eyes look, we felt attracted to him. We felt as though he was the most handsome man we’d ever seen.

His coal-black hair was slicked back to perfection. Two teeth were protruding over his bottom lip. He smelled of Brute Faberge, a scent that stung our noses as we caught a whiff when he opened the door.

“Enter…Enter if you dare, feeble humans,” a dark, deep voice twisted our brains.

“Let’s go, guys!” Kate said.

We were all oozing with excitement, but we didn’t know why. We all looked at each other, then looked at the sketchy entrance to what we thought was the Park N’ Ride; looked at each other again, and decided to enter the decrepit building.

“Yes…Yes…Right this way, my four-course meal.”

Unknowing to what awaited, we made our way inside. We felt as though we had to. It was like falling in love all over again. We couldn’t help our actions, but knew they were for a greater means to an end.

We navigated down a long, dark hallway. There were no lights for at least 200 yards.

“I’m Vladimir, and it’s a pleasure to meet your acquaintance,” the coal-black slicked-hair man said. “I’m the owner of this place, and you guys are right on time.”

In the distance, we could hear the thump of bass, pounding our ear drums and making our brains rattle. The sound of acid-infused techno music was blaring from the end of the hallway. Finally, there was light.

“Please, step inside,” Vladimir said.

We followed him into what seemed like a dungeon. There was a foul odor of rotting flesh and blood; blood of all types. Animal, human, you name it. The stench was too overwhelming for Ben’s stomach. He blew chunks all over the floor.

We couldn’t take the smell; the smell of that smell. It entered our noses and had an eerily similar scent of a million rotting corpses piled on top of old diapers, mixed with a fresh batch of dead skunks and methane gas.

We all started blowing chunks. Dry-heaving because our stomachs were empty; we hadn’t yet had dinner.

By the time we finished vomiting, it was clear that this wasn’t the Park N’ Ride. This was something else. Every person in the building was either covered in blood with wounds on their necks, or with blood covering their faces.

That’s when it hit us. We were dealing with the Vampires of White Marsh.

“We gotta get out of this place,” I yelled as I coughed up blood after dry-heaving from a few minutes before.

I could see the blood spew out of my mouth in slow-motion, taking its time as it made its way to the dusty floor.

It was on.

The Vampires of White Marsh sprung from their seats and circled around us like vultures. They all looked the same and they all wanted one thing. Our blood.

“RJ, we gotta get out of this place,” Mel screamed with fear. “I’m scared, husband.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll get us out of here!”

Or so I thought. But how were we to escape the clutches of 20 or so Vampires of White Marsh? It seemed impossible and highly unlikely. The odds were not in our favor.

The Vampires of White Marsh inched closer and closer with their coal-black hair, slicked back like a Yuppie. Brute Faberge filled the air like a Bob Seger concert. They were all tatted with crosses on their spines and we could see their fangs. They were salivating like dogs. They had an insatiable appetite for our blood, and nothing was standing in their way.

WHOOSH!

Suddenly, the floor beneath us dropped. And before we could blink our eyes or have time to comprehend what just happened, our booth on the train started moving.

“Thank you for visiting the White Marsh Park N’ Ride. We hope you enjoyed our newest attraction here, VAMPIRES OF WHITE MARSH 4-D. Please buckle up and enjoy your ride.”

We were terrified, we were covered in puke, and we were brothers.

Regards – R.L. Bean